It's a great list, and I really think I'm going to end up doing most of it.

  • Ostrich hunting. In DC. On motorcycle back. With a bow and arrow.
  • Drag Paris to the gay bar in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, check blogosphere and US Weekly to gage coverage. Trust me, never more appreciative fans than in Hattiesburg.
  • Buy a table saw. This isn't all that entirely interesting, I just would love to be there to see the looks on the faces of the people who have to put it in my apartment.
  • Work on artistic skills by painting cars. Make sure the owners aren't around.
  • Cover myself in fake blood, maybe with some kind of fake wounds, run into the Emergency Room, and when the people come to give you help yell, "Quick, I need change for a five!"
  • Buy a hand puppet and treat it like a real person, get into a public argument in a mall or restaurant
  • Buy some bird seed, and wait for the elevator doors to open, then throw it on the floor. If the people wait for you to come in, just say, "it's just for the peacocks." Let the doors close.
  • The next time I'm running outside, go up to any apartment complex and yell, "JENNY, DON'T BREAK UP WITH ME!!!!!!!!" Then run off. The name isn't important, but the running off is, in case somebody that actually has that name lives there.
  • Pack up 15 people in the back of a truck and go to the liquor store, preferably in another county
  • Go on a hay ride, complete with hot weather, bugs, and horse smells
  • Protest New Year's Day
  • Climb to the top of a mountain, and look down. Then know that I AM the baddest Mo'Fo'A on Earth
status: published
lastmod: '2006-11-18T07:43:55.000Z'
author: John Stansbury
cms: wordpress
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  similarterms: people running hattiesburg wait year back apartment yell doors fake peacocks time jenny complex floor close elevator mall argument public