While serving my Country, I pledged to keep the world updated on what Britney is doing with her life. At the time, she was unmarried and mildly sane. And completely 100% Onyx Hotel free. Except for the story about the Onyx Hotel.

So here’s the a look at Britney this week:

1. Newsflash! Britney Spears, 22, pop music singer and all-around hottie, found to be real human being. While many suspected unnatural enhancements were involved, it was not until photos became availible on the internet detailing her mortality.

"I was stunned," says John Stansbury, 32, internet pioneer and part-time stalker, who runs a web site that cronicles the life and time of Spears, and draws over 6 visitors per month. "It’s just tough to take, ya know. This kind of thing, it changes you, ya know?"

"Oh, and since you hit the site I’ve had over 10 people view it," said a poignant Stansbury. "Now all that’s left is to pick up the pieces. And get some links from India."

Stansbury plans on having a small ceremony on No Pants Day, to celebrate the end of his delutional fantasy life.

2. Speaking of home wrecking, how can you do this? And how can you do it twice? And how can you call Moesha "a comedy series." It would’ve had to have been funny twice. </catty sarcasm>

But at least nobody from some all-girl band hasn’t dissed your failed marriage. That would just be sad.

3. India reports that our girl Britney is is the next score for Brad Pitt. Seems that his marriage may not last forever. Seems that he wants to have himself a little fling. All I have to say is…why not me? I mean, for Britney…not Brad. I want the girl, too, Brad. Now, I know you and Jen are trying to get preggers, so why not knock the Mrs. up, and Britney’s all yours?

4. Onyx Tour Report: Loud cuss words. That’s what the kids like. Well, while they are trying to convince themselves that you are actually singing those words. Eh, she may not even stay on tour.

Man is India earing it’s props tonight! Cause without them, we wouldn’t know that Britney is going to stay on tour. Just maybe not anybody else on the tour. And definatley not her translator.

status: published
lastmod: '2006-11-17T06:03:40.000Z'
author: John Stansbury
cms: wordpress
custom:
  similarterms: quot britney tour brad india life stansbury onyx hotel spears words stay girl internet marriage time site all-girl series funny
  podPressPostSpecific: 'a:6:{s:15:"itunes:subtitle";s:15:"##PostExcerpt##";s:14:"itunes:summary";s:15:"##PostExcerpt##";s:15:"itunes:keywords";s:17:"##WordPressCats##";s:13:"itunes:author";s:10:"##Global##";s:15:"itunes:explicit";s:7:"Default";s:12:"itunes:block";s:7:"Default";}'
  _utw_tags_0: 'a:2:{i:0;O:8:"stdClass":1:{s:3:"tag";s:3:"bss";}i:1;O:8:"stdClass":1:{s:3:"tag";s:13:"entertainment";}}'