As I start this, it's twenty to 6. Time for a list...but of what. Oh, right, I should look at the title before I ask stuff like that.

9. Stealth meteor attack. Must keep on tinfoil hat. Cause that's how they get you...when you're not protected. They know....they know...

8. Making fun of Ann Coulter. Not that I'd mind being pummeled to death by her, at least I'd get to touch her...while she was ripping my vital organs out.

No, while she was feasting in a bloody carnage of evil and my guts, I couldn't help but get so self-conscious about just how much fat she'd have to cut off. Sure, the fat is what gives the meat flavor, but, when I have Conservative Writers feasting on cannibalistic goring, I like to present myself as working out a little...

7. That not so fresh feeling

6. Mrs. Drew Carey (if you know what I mean)

5. Being pummeled onstage by thousands of iPods for announcing that "that whole Macintosh thing really was a bad idea. And now our new owner...Bill Gates!"

4. Yet ANOTHER shark blog

3. Time constraints...oh man...two more! This is going to kill me...AH! Self-fulfilling prophecy! Self-fulfilling prophecy!

2. "Fine Sen. Kennedy, I'll look in there even closer, but I don't think your keys are in the trunk..."

1. Mr. Britney Spears (if you know what I mean)

status: published
author: John Stansbury
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  similarterms: prophecy pummeled feasting time self-fulfilling macintosh idea owner thing ipods drew feeling fresh carey onstage bill thousands announcing blog trunk