Way back in 2003, as I cooked in the Iraqi desert, I made the decision that I would cover every Britney Spears news event, no matter how trivial. I wanted something to look forward to. I needed a reason to look forward to my life back in my homeland.

Soldiers have carried the tradition of taking tokens of their loves with them on their long journeys since the dawn of history. They carry scarves from their girlfriends, only to have them burn in the napalm. The napalm-of love.

Ok. So it's pathetic, I know. But it did kill the time while we baked in the 125º sun. And I got this to say about the Sun-warm. It was really hot. Speaking of hot…so there I was, set on broil for 10-12 hours, when I came up with the idea to cover the life of Britney as a way to give that sweet homage to those pin-ups of yesterday. And yesterday, I mean Saturday. The mail really is slow to an APO address.

I'm out there cooking in my own juices, thinking that this will be a nice diversion from thinking about how I'm a homeless bum, with only five credit cards, a Power Mac G5 and a DSL connection. You tend to calm down when you get into your late 20s. Wait…no. Actually that's when wild oats are sown. But even then, it couldn't be that bad…

I just had no idea that it would come to this.

Apparently, Britney went and got herself annulled. What's worse, is that the only way to get yourself annulled is to get married. I know, I asked a priest. Twice. An hour. Before they banned me from the hospital.

So that's today's Britney Spears story. I hope they ain't none more any time soon. My heart can't take it.

status: published
lastmod: '2006-11-17T06:05:24.000Z'
author: John Stansbury
cms: wordpress
custom:
  podPressPostSpecific: 'a:6:{s:15:"itunes:subtitle";s:15:"##PostExcerpt##";s:14:"itunes:summary";s:15:"##PostExcerpt##";s:15:"itunes:keywords";s:17:"##WordPressCats##";s:13:"itunes:author";s:10:"##Global##";s:15:"itunes:explicit";s:7:"Default";s:12:"itunes:block";s:7:"Default";}'
  _utw_tags_0: 'a:2:{i:0;O:8:"stdClass":1:{s:3:"tag";s:3:"bss";}i:1;O:8:"stdClass":1:{s:3:"tag";s:13:"entertainment";}}'
  similarterms: britney spears forward life annulled thinking time cover idea back yesterday homeless diversion credit cards connection power pin-ups nice cooking