Finally, the definiative definition of MacStansbury. Sort of.

1. What in the world is the purpose of this site?
No one really knows. However, it has been conjectured that it is just a way for somebody to waste time and money while not really owning up to the fact that he lives in a fantasy land. A world of make-believe, if you will. That, and web sites really get the chicks.

2. So, when you said that you could help me with my iChat problems, that was just a pack of lies?yeah, get over it
Yes. I mean, no! I am called the Master of the iChat. Okay, so it’s me that says that, but I mess with iChat quite a bit.

3. Really, what’s the deal?

Now that everybody on the internet has a website, I thought I’d get mine up and going. More about me later. Now that everybody and their neighbor has a web site on the internet, I thought I’d get mine up and going. This is that web site!

So you’re wondering to yourself, "Who is this guy?" A lot of people ask that question. To be honest, so do I. So I thought that I’d waste $20 a month to figure it out! So I was designing this thing, and I noticed how nice it was. The empty pages where so nice to look at, what with all the blank pages and contentlessness. No, that isn’t a word.

Not a real word, anyway. But it’s my word! Mine!

So, I’m designing this thing and, going strong with the Adobe GoLive CS, and I notice that I’ve seen more interesting web sites on the bottom of my shoes. Um, maybe not web sites. You know what I mean.

So I’m editing, and I’m texting, and I’m going crazy, and I notice, it looks like, those web sites you find on the bottom of your shoe. As I continue the drudge, I work through the thought-process, and I come to the conclusion that I will write some articles on whatever I want to, plus add my own message board.

Seeing as how my budget is, well, -$200 USD, I realized that there was no way to get this in under budget. So I thought, stealing is good. But then I thought, "why steal, when there’s free?"

Since my hosting company uses PHP and a MySQL server, I could configure a message board, and now I could skin it. Next thing you know, I got this new forum. Coolness.

I came to find that there are some good looking formats for my message board. And there are some, not-so-good layouts. I chose one of the best, using the Charcoal 2 theme from Zarron Media. I can’t say enough nice things about it. I like it so much, it has taken over my whole site. At one point I had a blog on the site, but it seemed like overkill, as I can relate to more things in a personal way in a forum, rather than just me telling you stuff. I like interacting. Kinda.

4. You look mean. Are you that evil in real life?

Yes, I am that mean. I’m chock full of evil. And there’s no "real life" me and "online personality" me. Just one mean, real guy, chock full of evil and meanness, trying to make the world a safer place for not-terrorists and tax-payers.

5. I like the stories and all, but are you at all serious?

Most of the content on this site is just deluded fever dream material, but the forum and the MacStuff sections have helpful information. Oh, and one more thing. I am a TextEdit junkie. I’m probably the most dedicated user on the planet. If I’m wrong about that, and You! Are! That! Junkie! then give me some e-mail to let me know how much you care. You do care, don’t you? I knew you did!

6. The Google ad is going, like, all the way across the screen!

Wah! Go tell your mother. Look, I’m designing this site on a 23” Cinema Display – do you think I care about how wide the page is?!?

Yeah, I noticed that myself. I’ll try to figure something out. Right now this site is completely unfriendly with anything that isn’t named FireFox, Camino, Safari, Mozilla, or Netscape. I’m working on Opera and iCab. I am not, however, concerned at all about Internet Explorer.

Never mind. No more ads.

7. Who is this Evil MacStansbury, what is he (or she) doing here, and how come he’s so much funnier than you? And what about them other people like hackstansbury?

Wanna hear something funny? Huh? Huh? I’m banning you IP right now! That’s funny, isn’t it?

Obviously you can tell, I am my own worst enemy. I also am mildly neurotic with mild psychosis, dissociative disorder, paranoia, delusion, and from what the doctor at the free clinic told me, a heavy case of hypochondria that I have to take saline and this drug called "acidophilus" that I have to take once a day or the multiple personalities come back.

8. You said "More about me later." It’s later. So spill?

Fine. I’ve led a boring life, punctuated by moments of brilliance. I think it’s because God wants to keep me humble. I graduated from Princeton High School in 1989 with 600 of my closest friends-none of whom I could possibly remember. I only went to school there one year, and it was HUGE. Very impersonal for somebody raised in towns with less than 5,000 people all his life.

So after college I decide that my patriotism is the only thing I have going on, so I go to Basic Training after enlisting and find out that the Army is not what I thought it was. This was when we’d conquered Communism, and we thought that all evil in the World was finally vanquished. As soon as I could I got into the IRR.

Then there was that Desert Storm, thing. Honestly, it bugged me for years that I didn’t go. It wasn’t until years later when I learned what a cakewalk the guys had that I didn’t feel bad for not going.

When my Mom died from brain cancer, I moved in with my Dad, fully expecting to move back to Knoxville to continue at the University of Tennessee. Well, let’s just say I had 12 years to move, and I never did. I fell in love with Mississippi.

Sure, you’re thinking that there’s nothing but rednecks and the Klan in Mississippi, but you’re wrong. We also have an Academy system that puts out about 1,000 talentless Britney Spears clones every year. Yep, the natural scenery was awesome.

I graduated from East Central Community College with a degree in Music in 1994. I wasted time and money delaying the inevitable by graduating from the University of Southern Mississippi in 1998. I got commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant on December 18. I wasted my time.

I say that, because I could’ve been done so much earlier if I hadn’t been so focused on the ladies. Or the frustration from not getting the ladies. I was in a band at EC, and I had tail flung at me left and right. For some reason I never figured that out. Same thing a Southern Miss.

There was this one girl who got my attention, and I wasted two years of my life and messed up my military career trying to convince her that she was wrong about not liking me. It wasn’t her fault, I’m just too dense to get the signals. I think there’s something wrong with me.

Like I said, my life is punctuated by moments of brilliance. Like the time I won all those medals for music in LeMars, Iowa. Or that time I made the Junior College Who’s Who. Or in 1993 when I saved the World from those aliens. The biggest moment came in 2002.

After spending 3 years rotting in a job I hated/loved, and working with a Youth Group at Concord Baptist Church, it was the time that God decided I needed to prove what I was worth. Dad got canned from his job by some @$## &$ß∆ @#%% people that thought he was too expensive for them. It didn’t matter that he was one of the only things that made that company worth anything.

So he gets a job in Alabama, I get a nice place to live from my Boss, Steve, that I am eternally obliged to for showing me what business is all about. But God gave me some intel that I needn’t unpack those bags…I got called up in September, three months after moving to Alabama. I’d be in Kuwait by Thanksgiving.

So I go to lovely Ft. Stewart, get in contact with family that lives near there, and get to Kuwait for Christmas. In fact, I left mere days before the Two Towers opened. I think God was messing with me at the time.

Long story short, the good guys win, I get ready to come home. Sort of. Seems that whilst in the War, the company Dad works at goes under. So, for the first time in my life, I’m the bread-winner, and Dad’s the deadbeat. I was actually kinda happy about that.

But weeks before I’m to go home, Dad gets a job in Georgia, right outside Ft. Stewart. Well, not right outside, like a few miles away. You get it, right? So, since all my stuff is now in Georgia, and not Mississippi or Alabama, then I figure I live in Georgia.

I like it here. It’s like Mississippi, only with tons more people. It’s like a really big Mississippi.

9. So how do I get in contact with you?

Carrier pigeon. If that doesn’t work, you can try emailing me or if you have the capability, you can use AOL Instant Messenger or iChat to Screen Name: MacStansbury (click to start chatting).

Yes, I realize that’s original.

10. The greyness? Dude?

The original, and current, idea was to make a site that was rather difficult to read, thus I could get some me time. Turns out, people don’t like all the gray. Makes it rather difficult to read.

So suffer. The world is full of grays, with few black and whites. Thus, the grays.

11. Do you ever smile?

Yes, actually, I do. I am a very jovial person by nature. Crappy life notwithstanding, I’ve had it pretty good. It’s just that I see everything in all its nuance…and I see as much bad as I do good.

But I don’t like to dwell on the negative. I do that every once in a while. I used to do it a lot more, but after returning from Operation Iraqi Freedom, having a fling with semi-celebrity (not Britney), and just general maturing, I can handle things better.

And I smile a lot. And laugh. And, every once in a while, I cry.

12. So, I’ve heard you mention you being a Christian. You one of them Holy-Roller Goodie-Two-Shoes Who-Ain’t-Sinned-And-Can-Through-the-First-Stone?

Yes. All of that is true. And, that would all be a lie.

Actually, I’m about at pathetic and example of a Christian as you will find. I wouldn’t even suggest you listen to Paul’s suggestion and live a life like mine…no, I think I am about the worst example of Christianity one could find.

Then again, that’s what my whole doctrine is about. You see, for the past 10 years or so, I’ve been following a particular branch of Christianity called Ragamuffin Gospel. It was started by Brennan Manning, and it really isn’t an organized Church, or anything. It’s more like a loose group of poets.

Anyways, I’ve found out that I am not even close to an example of Christ. I am too carnal, I cuss too much for the problems I have. I looking at girly pics on the ‘net too much for my own good. I am a sinner.

Then again, all us humans are sinners. We are horrible examples. However, Jesus was a perfect example. Ergo, don’t follow my example, follow the Christ’s example to lead to the Father.

I am charged to spread that message, and do it a lot, and in a lot of places, and to keep moving. I’m not allowed to have a home, thus, a ragamuffin. It takes a special kind of person, and that’s me.

For now, this is where I’m at. More to follow. Well, unless that bus I always talk about is around the corner…

Let’s recap:

• For help with iChat AV, iSight, or AOL Instant Messenger, go to the Forum
• To get helpful information on how some Mac stuff works, go to the MacStuff section
• I am deathly afraid of getting hit by a bus
• It stands for "The One True Love Of My Life." And the (s) means there can be more than one. No, I don’t understand me either. All of them are married, hooked up, or otherwise inaccessible. But it’s my fantasy-land, so just let me get away with one thing, will ya?
• Born in 1971. You do the math.
• I didn’t do it, nobody saw me do it, I didn’t do it.
• 100 Things About Me
• MacStansbury Pictures
• Army Pics

Good now?