Well, after many years of deserved dust, I'm breaking out something I haven't used in years. I wrote these at first to make myself feel better, but then I came to realize that a list of this nature could be helpful. This is what I look for in a woman. I came up with the concept of The Stacifferina Rules back in 1998 or so, and only added to as I grew. These are my ridiculously inaccurate, unrealistic desires. A boy can dream, can't he? 1. She can't be normal. Take that however you will. 2. She can't be boring. If I don't look at her with complete bewilderment at least once a day, then I consider that boring. 3. Must be an awesome cook 4. She must be all touchy-feely, even when I'm around to see her flirty ways 5. No weight requirement, but she must be 5'5" or above. I've had relationships with both, and this is merely for her own protection, as I can be rather clumsy around the house. Plus, it gives me a better shot of producing an offspring that I can use in some sport. 6. Must be able to make me laugh, maybe funnier than me. It's rare, but I've found 'em before. 7. Must be able get around a computer well enough to write her own HTML without bugging me, but still need my help with complex SQL coding. 8. Can't be red-headed. This is more a guideline than an actual rule. It's strange, because redheads are naturally attracted to me. 9. Must sometimes pick the opposite side of an argument, just to make me mad (yes, I realize I just nailed down 100% of the female population, but that goes in with the whole "can't be boring") 10. Must dress like a girl, walk like a girl, act like a girl, smell like a girl...besides being a girl. If I wanted a guy, I'd join the Navy. 11. Must be able to take me in a fair fight. Not like, I'm some 98 pound weakling, but like some division II school beating a top ten team when they were looking ahead to the next week. I hope that makes sense. 12. Must be a little mean. Ornery sometimes. I likes 'em mean. 13. Gotta be a non-drinker, non-smoker. Sorry, ladies, John's a prude. (note: I would rename the Stacifferina Rule to add the person this is in honor of, it's just I can't get her name to stick in there anywhere) 14. You really love sports, I mean, gotta have sports, I mean love breaking down game-film, and looking for possible weaknesses? Need not apply. I don't need no woman contradicting my sports knowledge!!! 15. Must be willing and able to snuggle on moments notice. Special Rules: None of those above rules can conflict with any of these: Must be a Proverbs 31 woman (BBE):

10 Who may make discovery of a woman of virtue? For her price is much higher than jewels. 11 The heart of her husband has faith in her, and he will have profit in full measure. 12 She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She gets wool and linen, working at the business of her hands. 14 She is like the trading-ships, getting food from far away. 15 She gets up while it is still night, and gives meat to her family, and their food to her servant-girls. 16 After looking at a field with care, she gets it for a price, planting a vine-garden with the profit of her work. 17 She puts a band of strength round her, and makes her arms strong. 18 She sees that her marketing is of profit to her: her light does not go out by night. 19 She puts her hands to the cloth-working rod, and her fingers take the wheel. 20 Her hands are stretched out to the poor; yes, she is open-handed to those who are in need. 21 She has no fear of the snow for her family, for all those in her house are clothed in red. 22 She makes for herself cushions of needlework; her clothing is fair linen and purple. 23 Her husband is a man of note in the public place, when he takes his seat among the responsible men of the land. 24 She makes linen robes and gets a price for them, and traders take her cloth bands for a price. 25 Strength and self-respect are her clothing; she is facing the future with a smile. 26 Her mouth is open to give out wisdom, and the law of mercy is on her tongue. 27 She gives attention to the ways of her family, she does not take her food without working for it. 28 Her children get up and give her honour, and her husband gives her praise, saying, 29 Unnumbered women have done well, but you are better than all of them. 30 Fair looks are a deceit, and a beautiful form is of no value; but a woman who has the fear of the Lord is to be praised. 31 Give her credit for what her hands have made: let her be praised by her works in the public place.

I'll add to it as I think of things.

status: published
lastmod: '2006-09-30T21:17:22.000Z'
author: John Stansbury
type: page
cms: wordpress
custom:
  _wp_page_template: default
  podPressPostSpecific: 'a:6:{s:15:"itunes:subtitle";s:15:"##PostExcerpt##";s:14:"itunes:summary";s:15:"##PostExcerpt##";s:15:"itunes:keywords";s:17:"##WordPressCats##";s:13:"itunes:author";s:10:"##Global##";s:15:"itunes:explicit";s:2:"No";s:12:"itunes:block";s:2:"No";}'
  _utw_tags_0: no tags
  similarterms: girl woman rules price hands make makes linen profit sports fair boring husband food stacifferina give family note rule gotta
  _utw_tags_: no tags