Remember back when your relationship was new, and everything seemed to…brilliant, so alive? When even the littlest thing meant so much? I really, honestly believe that the spammers and con artists that try to rip me off just don’t care anymore.

I mean, it’s been so long since I’ve heard from them. They’ve always been somewhat distant (being in Africa and the Philippines and whatnot). But lately, nothing. Was it something I said?

Just when I thought I’d never get their email again, this bugger gets through. Well, not really, but Gmail decided I needed to see it, seeing as how I finally got a ticket that WINS!!! It’s just plain hard to snark on these anymore — I’m feeling jilted.

WINS!!! Yeah. Wins. It’s like they don’t even try to con me out of my money anymore.

Here’s the email, linebreaks left unfixed:

Dear Receipent, We are informing you that Your email address as
\indicated was drawn and attached with serial numbers FTS/
8070337201/06 and drew the lucky numbers 15-22-24-48-50-37(30)
which subsequently won you 1,000,000.00 (One Million Great Britain
Pounds) from the U.K FREE PROMO The draws registered as Draw number one was conducted in Brockley,London United Kingdom on the
6th january2009.Find below the details of the Claims Agent and

contact him with the following details for verifications: 1.FULL
NAME,2.FULL ADDRESS,3.NATIONALITY,4. ,5.OCCUPATION,6.MOBILE/
TELEPHONE NUMBER,7.DATE OF WINNING AWARD, 8. SEX,9.TOTAL
AMOUNT WON,10.SERIAL/LUCKY NUMBERS. NAME: Mr Albert Thomas
(Claims [email protected], Mrs. Rita Shawn

I’m tempted to reply to this, just because I’m so lonely.

PREVIOUSLY:
Highly effective spam #1: Confirm Eligibility
Highly effective spam #2: Fw: Thank you, we are ready to give a business loan
Highly effective spam #3: Dearest one,

status: published
lastmod: '2009-01-20T09:17:53.000Z'
excerpt: 'Like the jilted lover, so is my longing for better 419 scams'
author: meadowhill login
cms: textpattern
custom:
  section: articles
  custom_1: 419  spam  email phishing
  custom_2: From the office of community phishers
  custom_3: 'This is (what I am hoping) a few, short messages that somehow get through my spam filters. I’ll post these from time to time just to show them off. And to make fun of them.'
  custom_4: Here’s to hoping that this’ll shut ‘em up.